The Last Night
by Miss Fenway
Summary: Sometimes when your family pushes you close to the edge, it's your friends who pull you back to safety.  NO SLASH!


**A/N. Okay, so I'm on one of those writing highs that scares me because the higher I am, the harder I fall. However, I'm not going to ignore any inspiration I get. I'm going to take advantage of it. This is a song-fic inspired by the song, "The Last Night" by Skillet. It's a really important song to me so I hope I did it justice with this one-shot.**

Kendall sat hunched over at his desk late at night, trying to make sense of the homework he had been given for his biology class. He was supposed to be searching for the words and definitions and matching them up with each other. It seemed simple enough, but at least half of the material was totally unfamiliar to him. Had he really spaced out that much?

A headache had been forming for quite some time and now that he had been straining his eyes for a good hour and a half over the small text, Kendall's tolerance was coming to an end. He sighed deeply and rubbed his temples with his fingertips, unconsciously trying to rub away the pain. There was no point in trying to get the work done when he could hardly concentrate. Unfortunately, he had procrastinated as week long and it was due tomorrow. Handing it in late would not help him stay on the hockey team so Kendall was determined to get it finished in time.

"Molecules," he muttered to himself. "Man, I should know _this_ stuff at least!" Frustrated, he decided to take a short break. He shut the heavy book with a slam and crossed his room to lay down on his bed, willing his headache to go away. Kendall turned his head to the side and glanced over at his alarm clock. "11:35." A tired sigh escaped him. "It's going to be a long night." He still needed to define twenty something words.

Suddenly, his cell phone vibrated. Kendall sat up, confused. He could see the screen lit up, indicating he had received a text message. "Who else is up?" he wondered, reaching over to his nightstand. Definitely not Carlos. Despite the fact that the younger boy was incredibly energetic during the day, he usually conked out at around 10:30. Logan and James both struggled with sleeping through the night but Kendall couldn't imagine either of them contacting him. They would assume that he was already in bed. To his surprise, Kendall saw Logan's name on his cell phone's screen and he quickly pressed the **OK **button so he could read the message:

_Are you up?_

It was strange for Logan to be so vague. Frowning, Kendall typed out a reply message: _Yeah. Homework. Everything okay, Logie? _He set the phone aside and took a deep breath. For some reason that he couldn't put a finger on, he suddenly felt worried. Logan's message had been abrupt with no offered explanation at all. It wasn't like him to send anything so late at night either. Even though he had trouble sleeping, Logan refused to bother anyone else when it got past 10:00. Lost in thought, Kendall jumped when his phone buzzed again. He recovered quickly to look at his phone again:

_Can I come over?_

Now Kendall was really alarmed. Something was wrong. Really wrong. With shaking hands, he sent Logan a quick _Yes_ and then frantically began wracking his brain for a reason Logan was acting like he was. Kendall had just seen him in school and at hockey practice that very day. He had been a little quieter and had seemed more tired than usual but he didn't seem upset at all. He had sat with Kendall, James and Carlos at lunch, laughing and joking and then tore up and down the rink at practice. He had given no indication of what was so obvious right now. Something was really, horribly wrong.

Kendall stood up and began to pace his room as he waited for Logan. His homework was completely forgotten now and every time he neared his window, he glanced outside as if expecting to see Logan at any minute. They all lived close to each other. If he was walking, which would have made Kendall nervous if he wasn't already scared out of his mind, it would only be about ten minutes before Logan arrived.

It was the longest ten minutes of Kendall's life. At last, he saw a figure walking in the dark towards his front door. He turned and hurried out of his room, creeping as silently as possible through the hall and down the stairs so that he wouldn't wake his mother or sister. Taking a deep breath to compose himself, Kendall fling open the front door.

Logan stood on the porch, his face pale but strangely blank. He looked like a different person from the one Kendall had seen earlier that day. His dark brown eyes were flat and empty but if Kendall looked deeper, he could see an unidentifiable emotion there that Logan was trying to keep hidden. "Hey," he said quietly when he saw Kendall.

"Hey?" Kendall repeated. "Logan, what's going on?"

"Can I come in?" asked Logan, sounding defeated and exhausted.

Kendall swung the door open wider and nodded. "Sure. Come on, we'll go in my room." Concerned, but knowing that he couldn't force Logan into talking, he stepped aside and as Logan walked in, draped an arm over his friend's shoulder, leading him back to his room.

"I asked James and Carlos if they could come here too," Logan said as they headed up the stairs. "That's okay, right?"

At first, Kendall stopped, caught completely off guard by Logan's words. He hadn't heard until then that James and Carlos would be there too. But if it was important to Logan. . . "Yeah," he managed. "Sure, Logie." He took note of the way Logan cringed slightly at the use of his nickname and shot a quick glance at him. "Is everything okay, Logan? You're. . ." he struggled for the words. "You're acting strange."

Logan didn't answer and simply sat down on the edge of Kendall's bed, his posture stiff and unnatural. "They should be here any minute," he whispered. "They both said they were coming."

Kendall opened his mouth to protest Logan's evasion but out of the corner of his eye, he saw two more figures walking together up to the front porch. "It looks like they're here now," he choked out, gesturing to the window. "I'll let them in." He backed away to leave his room, hesitating. "Stay here, Logan. We'll be right back."

He forgot about being quiet as he rushed to let James and Carlos in so that he could hurry back to Logan. He was afraid to leave him alone even though he still had no idea what was going on. "Guys," he greeted his other best friends. "Do you-"

"Do you know what's wrong?" James interrupted, pushing past Kendall. "Is Logan here? Where is he, Kendall?"

"I don't know. Yes. Upstairs." Kendall answered all three questions and then led the way back to his room. Back to Logan. "Carlos, do you know what's going on?"

Carlos looked scared to death. He shook his head and then hurried ahead of the other two boys. "Logie?" he whispered as he walked into the room. "What's going on?"

Kendall sighed, thankful that Carlos was so willing to jump right into the middle of whatever they were dealing with. "Okay, Logan." He tried to give his friends a reassuring smile but the effort failed before it even started. "We're all here now. What's up?"

"I'm sorry," Logan said in a broken voice. "I just. . . I don't know how to tell you guys this."

"What?" James demanded, desperate now. "Logan, you can tell us anything. You know that, right?"

Logan nodded. "I do," he whispered. "But that doesn't make this any easier."

Kendall stepped forward. "All right," his authoritative voice sounding small and scared. "Let's all sit down." He sat down on the bed next to Logan and waited for Carlos and James to follow his lead. "Take your time, Logan." He reached out a placed a shaking hand on Logan's shoulder, then fell silent to wait.

Time passed. It crawled by, seconds seeming like hours. They had no idea how much time passed when Logan finally moved. He shifted away from Kendall until his hand fell from his shoulder. Like that, he looked utterly alone and isolated from them but no one moved for fear of making whatever was wrong even worse. Taking a deep breath, Logan took hold of the long sleeve of his shirt and slowly rolled it up.

Kendall stopped breathing. He watched as the material of the shirt moved slowly upwards, revealing the terrible secret it had been hiding. They had never questioned Logan's choice of clothing because it was the middle of January in Minnesota. In other words, it was freezing. But unbeknownst to them, Logan had been wearing long sleeves for a reason other than for keeping warm.

_You come to me with scars on your wrist  
>You tell me this will be the last night feeling like this<br>_

Down by his wrists on each arm and up a little farther, were scars. They were evenly sized and spaced, forming an almost perfect pattern all along the otherwise smooth and pale skin. Red and angry, they stood out, a silent scream for help.

"Logan," Kendall whispered, finally finding his voice. "What. . . what is this?"

_I just came to say goodbye  
>I didn't want you to see me cry, I'm fine<br>But I know it's a lie.  
><em>

Logan cradled on arm close to his chest. "This," he said, his voice lacking any emotion. "This is me. Only I can't do this anymore, Kendall. That's why I'm here tonight and why I asked you guys to be here too. I'm tired. I'm tired of everything.

Once when they were little, Kendall and James had been wrestling. Just for fun. They had laughed at their mothers' cautions to be careful. They wouldn't get hurt. They were just playing. Only James' knee had accidentally connected with Kendall's stomach a little too hard and knocked all the air straight out of his lungs. According to Logan, it had only been eight full seconds that Kendall had spent doubled over on the floor, trying to breath. It had felt like so much longer.

Kendall was suddenly reminded of that day as he fought for each inhale and exhale. Logan's words weren't making any sense. It was as if he was speaking in a different language. Kendall couldn't understand him at all. "But why?" he asked. "Logan. . . what are you tired of?"

"Everything," Logan repeated. "I'm tired of school and hockey and my parents." He hesitated and then mumbled something that they could barely understand. "I guess I'm not tired of everything. Not you guys anyway. But everything else. I'm tired of having so much pressure to do well in school. And hockey. And my parents. . ." he trailed off and swallowed hard. "They just put so much pressure on me to do everything right."

Kendall's thoughts were jumbled up and confused, racing all over the place. He fought to keep them focused on Logan's which were slowly beginning to make nightmarish sense. Logan's parents. They were okay people but they weren't that much fun and they were really strict. "Logan," his throat was so dry. "Logan, are they really that bad?"

At last, Logan's eyes filled with tears and he dropped the emotionless act. "Yes," his voice cracked. "They're horrible, Kendall. All they talk about is my grades and what I'm going to do when I get out of high school. They hate when I play hockey or hang out with you guys because it takes time away from my studies. Every time I get a B on something, they blame it on you or hockey. And when we get in trouble or we lose a game, they act like I killed someone. My dad yells and my mom cries and-"

"Why didn't you tell us it was this bad?" Kendall broke in. "I mean, I know that your parents were big on school and everything but. . . Logan, do they ever hurt you?"

"Maybe not physically," Logan murmured. "But they. . . they call me names. They talk down to me all the time about how disappointed they are in me and how they wish I could be more like them. Once they said that they thought the doctors mixed me and another baby up at the hospital because I couldn't possibly be their son."

Kendall felt sick and he knew without looking at them that James and Carlos felt the same way. He had heard of emotional abuse but he had never had any sort of experience with it until now. He used to shrug it off, unable to imagine that someone could be so cruel. But now, he found himself staring right at a victim. His best friend.

"I can't deal with it anymore," Logan shook his head. "It's been this way since I started talking. I'm sixteen now. I'm tired of never being good enough. I came to say goodbye because I've been thinking about ending it for a while now. Then today when I came home from practice, they were waiting for me."

"What did they do?"

Kendall jumped at the sound of James' voice and then looked back at Logan. "What did they say?" he asked.

"They. . . I got an 82 on my world history class." Logan brushed a hand over his eyes and sniffed. "As soon as I walked in the door, they both started screaming at me because it means I got a B in that class for this quarter. They told me it would affect my GPA and that I might not be able to get into an Ivy League school now. They told me I was a failure because they both went to Ivy League schools and graduated with honors and now I might not do the same. They have all these expectations for me and they never ask me what I want to do. They never listen to me."

"Have you-"

"Yes, James." Logan snapped. "I have tried to talk to them. They don't listen. They tell me that they know what's best for me and that I have no idea." He sighed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you. See? My parents. . . they're just affecting everything now. I don't enjoy anything anymore because I'm constantly thinking of what they're going to say when I get back home. I hate being home but I hate being out because coming home is always the worst. Whenever I'm away, I'm just thinking of what I have to go back to."

"I give up," Logan said abruptly. "I can't do this anymore. There's just so much pressure and I can't breath. I feel like I'm drowning. My parents have all these high expectations of me and I know that I'll never meet them. I'm just going to fail. I came here tonight to. . . to say goodbye."

"No," Carlos shook his head. "Logan, you can't." His voice shook and tears slid down his face, going completely ignored. "You can't leave us, Logie. No matter what you're parents think, we love you for who you are."

_This is the last night you'll spend alone  
>Look me in the eyes so I know you know<br>I'm everywhere you want me to be.  
><em>

Kendall found courage with Carlos' words. "He's right, Logan." he said, shakily. "I don't know why your parents are like they are and I don't know why you didn't tell us until now. But. . ." he stopped. What should he say? What if he said something wrong and pushed Logan even farther away? He was terrified to talk. "But you did and we're not going to let you go. Things will get better, Logan. We'll help you."

_The last night you'll spend alone,  
>I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go,<br>I'm everything you need me to be._

But Logan shook his head. "You don't know that," he said bitterly. "It's been like this ever since I can remember. I never told you because it's not something you need to worry about. They're _my _parents."

"And you're our best friend, Logan." James said helplessly. "That makes it something we need to worry about. Even if it is your parents."

"It's not just my parents," Logan corrected. "I don't know why but sometimes I feel. . . so. . . I don't know. I have these panic attacks sometimes and I. . . I feel like I'm going to be all alone on day. I can't breath when that happens. All I can think of is what I would do if everyone I know, left me."

"We would never leave you, Logan." Kendall said desperately. Things were taking an impossible turn for the worst. He wanted to get his mother but he couldn't leave Logan, not even for a second.

"You don't know that," Logan said again. "I don't mean leaving as in moving away or something. I mean leaving as in. . . dying. It happens at night when I'm trying to sleep and I just have to lay in bed and focus on breathing until they go away. Sometimes it feels like I'm dying because my heart is pounding and my chest hurts and I have trouble breathing."

"Logan," Kendall said slowly. "That's. . . you can't think like that. It's not healthy."

"That's because I'm screwed up."

Hastily, Kendall shook his head. "No, Logan." he said sorrowfully. "That just means that you can't handle everything by yourself and that's what you've been doing all this time. You've never told me or James or Carlos or our families. Or your parents. Logan, they might understand if-"

"If I told them?" Logan finished. "That's what I thought too. I was wrong."

"You mean you told them?" Carlos ventured.

_Your parents say everything is your fault  
>But they don't know you like I know you they don't know you at all<br>_

"I told them everything one day last year," Logan told them tiredly. "I told them how they put too much pressure on me and how I have panic attacks about everyone leaving. They told me that it wasn't their fault. They said it was my fault. They said it was just a phase I was going through.

_I'm so sick of when they say  
>It's just a phase, you'll be o.k. you're fine<br>But I know it's a lie._

"I'm tired of that," Logan went on. "It's not just a phase, I've felt like this since middle school. It's never gotten any better. They wouldn't even try to get me help because they said it would damage our reputation as a family."

"Logan," Carlos started to cry in earnest and before Logan could move away, he lunged forward and pulled Logan into his arms. "I'm sorry,"

Logan was stiff in Carlos' embrace. "You don't have anything to be sorry about, Carlos. It's me."

"No!" James said loudly. "Logan, it's your parents, can't you see that? They're putting so much pressure on you and you haven't asked anyone else for help. You can't deal with it alone and you shouldn't have to, Logan."

"Your parents are wrong," Kendall said as firmly as he could.

_This is the last night you'll spend alone  
>Look me in the eyes so I know you know<br>I'm everywhere you want me to be.  
><em>

"About what?"

"Everything," Kendall moved closer to Logan and gently pulled him away from Carlos. He placed both of his hands on his friend's shoulders, forcing their eyes to meet. "Listen to me, Logan. Listen to all of us. You are an incredible person. You're smart, you're a great hockey player, but most importantly, you're just an incredible person. You're funny and nice and thoughtful and caring and-" he choked and cut himself off. Taking a deep breath, he steadied his voice and went on. "You're our best friend, Logan. You mean the world to us."

_The last night you'll spend alone,  
>I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go,<br>I'm everything you need me to be._

"Your parents look at you and see themselves. No wonder they don't like what they see." James added. "We love you, Logan and we think you're perfect just the way you are."

"I'm not perfect, James." Logan shook his head. "I'm messed up. I want to die. That's far from perfect."

"Fine," Kendall didn't want to argue. "So you're not perfect. No one is, Logan. We're human. We all make mistakes. But that's why we have friends and family to care for us anyway. We love you in spite of your imperfections, Logie. Tonight. . . it's scared us. But is doesn't make us love you any less."

"Logan, you can't give up." Carlos begged. "We love you too much to let you go." A small sob shook him and he took Logan's hand in both of his, holding it tightly. "Please don't leave us, Logan. We should have known that something was wrong even though you were hiding it. Now that we do know though. . . you don't have to be alone, Logan. We'll help you through this and be whatever you want us to be."

"We aren't going to leave you, Logan." Kendall said in a pleading tone.

"I-" Logan started to speak and then stopped. He bowed his head, unable to meet any of them in the eye. His shoulders began to shake, slightly at first. And then he fell forward, collapsing into Kendall's stronger frame as he finally gave into his tears.

_The night is so long when everything's wrong  
>If you give me your hand I will help you hold on<br>Tonight,  
>Tonight.<em>

"Help," Logan whispered. "Help me. Please."

Kendall's arms held onto his friend as tightly as possible and it was only a split second before he felt James and Carlos join him. "It's okay, Logan." he murmured softly as his own tears began to fall. "You can cry."

Logan's sobs shook the four of them even though he was the only one who was crying uncontrollably. He couldn't even lift his own arms to hug any of his friends back. Instead, he lay limply in the center of them, lost in their tangle of arms that were desperate to keep their hold on him. "Please don't leave me." he gasped out in between sobs.

_This is the last night you'll spend alone  
>Look me in the eyes so I know you know<br>I'm everywhere you want me to be._

"Logie," Kendall said tearfully. "How could you ever think that we would leave you?"

"Because," Logan sniffed. "I wanted to leave you."

"How could you ever think that we would let you leave us?" Kendall persisted. "You're too important for us to just let you go. Logan, we aren't ever going to let you go. We're never going to leave you. I don't know everything that's going to happen, but I do know that we're going to get you help and-"

Logan shook his head and tried to jerk away but the arms around him held fast. "I can't! I can't get help! What would my parents-"

Instinctively, Kendall tightened his grip. "Stop thinking about your parents," he whispered. "We aren't going to leave you. No matter what happens, we'll be right next to you, every step of the way."

_The last night you'll spend alone,  
>I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go,<br>I'm everything you need me to be_

"You've already spent so much time alone," Kendall went on. "Not anymore, Logan. You're never going to be alone again. I promise. We promise. If. . . if your parents give you any trouble, then you can come live with us. Don't ever think that you'd be any trouble or inconvenience because you wouldn't. We would love to have you. We just want to be there for you when you need us and to be whatever you need."

"I think," Logan said slowly, as if he was just waking up. "That you always have been. I just. . . I just haven't asked you. And. . . And now I have. I'm just. . . I'm so scared."

"It's okay to be scared," Kendall told him, feeling paralyzed with fear himself. "Everyone gets scared. But just as long as you know that you have people who love and care about you, then you can know that it's going to be okay eventually."

"Logie," Carlos said pleadingly. "We're never going to leave you, so please don't leave us. Stay."

At last, Logan's cries had slowed enough so that he could catch his breath and talk without gasping for air. "Do you really want me that much?" he asked. Doubt was still present in his voice, but so was disbelief that held an edge of hope.

"More than anything," James promised.

A hint of a smile crossed Logan's face, taking away some of the pain and fear in his eyes. "You guys are the reasons I'm still alive," he murmured softly. "I never wanted to hurt you and I feel bad for feeling like this because I know that it's probably killing you too."

It was. It was destroying all of them that they had been so blind to see past Logan's act. He had been their best friend for over ten years and they had somehow missed the fact that he was so far gone. They had almost lost him. Kendall shivered and pulled Logan closer, consequently pulling James and Carlos closer as well. "It is," he admitted because he was sure it would help Logan see how important he was to them. "It hurts so much to know that you felt this. . ."

"Lost," Logan finished for him. "I was lost."

Kendall didn't miss out on Logan's word choice. "Was?" he asked, hoping against hope."

Logan nodded. "I think that I'm found now. And we just have to find our way back now. I'm still scared but. . . but I know I'm not alone anymore."

"That's right," Kendall felt like he could breathe again. "We're right here with you, Logan. We always will be."

_I won't let you say goodbye,  
>I'll be your reason why<em>

They talked then, for hours, about everything. Logan opened up and told them as much as he could recall, sometimes repeating himself. No one corrected him though. They repeated themselves too, telling him over and over again how they'd stay with him no matter what. Gradually, they broke from the suffocating four-way-hug but they all stayed so close that their shoulders touched.

Logan grew exhausted at around four in the morning and eventually fell into a restless sleep, surrounded by the three people who loved him more than anyone else. James and Carlos refused to leave his side and the boys decided that they would deal with their parents whenever they got the chance. They weren't about to leave Logan even for a second.

Kendall was afraid to blink, sure that Logan would disappear if he kept his eyes closed for too long. He stared mutely at James and Carlos who had nothing to say either. The horror of all that had transpire had taken away their speech for the moment. They dropped their eyes to watch Logan sleep. He looked more peaceful than he had when they had first seen him. But he still looked so broken and vulnerable. They'd never be able to look at him the same way again.

Though they had managed to convince Logan to get help, Kendall knew that their fight was far from over. Logan might be okay for one minute, but it wouldn't last. There would be plenty of ups and downs and none of it was going to be easy. But for now, Logan was okay. And what meant even more, was the fact that he was still with them. That was all that really mattered in the end.

**A/N. I know there are a lot of people out there struggling. Just know that I'm here to talk if you need someone. I'm pretty messed up myself, but you're not alone. And yes, I listened to "The Last Night" on repeat while I wrote this. That's what I do when I write stories based off of songs to get the most out of it. I hope this one worked. Oh, and I'm really sorry about the italics halfway through or whenever they start. I tried two or three times to fix them but it didn't happen. Hopefully it's not too confusing.**


End file.
